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[CCEF] Becoming a Wilderness Companion



Becoming a Wilderness Companion

Published: February 25, 2016

Last summer I served as a chaplain at a local hospital in a Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) program. As a counselor-turned-chaplain, I faced a host of new challenges, navigating questions like these: How do you assess needs and set goals for brief, one-time conversations? How do you cultivate meaningful conversations that address the deepest heart issues with people who don’t know you or even know that you are coming to see them? Here is some of what I observed and learned.        

The Hospital Experience

Understandably, hospital patients face a host of spiritual and emotional challenges.  Patients and visitors alike are in alien and disorienting terrain.  Anxiety abounds, ranging from the immediate concerns of how the kids will get home from school, to more serious questions—How long will I be here? How will this affect my marriage or job? Or even—Am I going to die?

Anxiety is often complicated by pain, isolation, loneliness, frustration, anger, loss and grief. And, of course, this often raises larger questions about the reasons for suffering, the nature of God’s love, and what our lives are all about—How could God let this happen? Why is this happening to me?

Pastoral care in these situations requires caregivers to help patients navigate both the emotional turmoil of the moment as well as the larger existential questions of meaning and purpose. Utilizing the biblical metaphor of wilderness, here is a framework that can aid caregivers in doing both.

Life in the Wilderness

Time spent in alien terrain filled with challenges to survival, purpose, and meaning should remind us of Israel’s journey through the wilderness. Just like the hospital patient, everyday life for Israel was dramatically interrupted by a seismic change and a journey into the unknown.

Of course, God orchestrated the exodus for Israel’s deliverance from Egypt. Nonetheless, it was an ordeal that left many questioning God’s identity as well as their own. It was a place where they were unable, through human effort, to preserve themselves.

This served the necessary purpose of coming to know who God was—and coming to know who they were. They needed to see themselves not as slaves, but as children who needed to rely on a loving father who gave them exactly what they needed.

Using the wilderness as a metaphor, let’s explore specific ways of being a companion in a hospital setting.

A Companion in the Wilderness

What follows are four ways to help. You may only get to use the ideas in point #1 during a visit, but in another situation you may be able to engage more deeply. Being a shepherd in the wilderness will take on many forms—you will respond in the moment to the needs at hand.

1. Invite emotional sharing. An important way to join patients and their loved ones in the wilderness is to invite them to share their hearts using emotional language. Hospital visitors often do not realize how often patients ignore or suppress negative emotions. Patients may wear a stoic or even cheerful mask because they fear that expressing their emotions would only amplify them or burden loved ones.

Complicating matters further, they may believe that a lack of faith is at the heart of their distress. For example, “I’m upset because I’m too focused on myself instead of God.” A sense of spiritual failure adds shame to their distress. However, keeping their distress to themselves isolates them and keeps them from receiving the care and support that they might receive if they shared their struggles.

A few simple questions were often enough to prompt distressed patients to share more deeply. For instance, after introductions I would sometimes say, “I know that being in the hospital can be very stressful. How are you doing emotionally?”

As patients begin to share, use their own words to highlight and affirm them. These are examples of how you might express your genuine understanding and care about what they share:

 “I can understand why you’re scared.”

 “I can really see how much you miss your children.”

“You sound frustrated with the doctors.”

Simple and brief responses are often enough to show that you are listening, understand, and are signaling for them to continue sharing. Your authentic interest and concern are the critical ingredients at this point.

If there simply isn’t time to do any more than this sharing, or if the patient is in such a state that it doesn’t seem wise to say anything more, then your visit may end here or perhaps with a prayer if he or she desires it. Many helpers find ending the conversation without having had a more explicitly spiritual conversation difficult. However, we must remember that pressured, forced, or shallow applications of gospel truth can do more harm than good, actually robbing the suffering person of comfort rather than providing it.

The simple practice of listening to and being present with patients has great value. It is sometimes referred to in chaplaincy as “pastoral presence.” A caring person’s presence has its own worth even if patients aren’t receptive to more overt spiritual dialogue. You might not be able to speak about God, but your presence still represents him. Through you, he shows his concern with what is happening in their lives.

Inviting emotional sharing and simply being present are foundational ways to minister. But you will often have more time with people and can engage more deeply.

2. Listen for their theology of suffering. Understanding how people interpret suffering is another key way to offer help. Here are some statements you might hear from a patient or a family member.

“I don’t understand.”

I’m angry. I don’t deserve this.”

“I deserve this.”

“I’m afraid.”

When you hear statements like these, don’t assume you know the person well enough to fully understand him or her. For example, a cardiac patient says, “I deserve a heart attack because I’ve been a terrible husband.” If you superficially respond—“I’m sure you haven’t been as bad as you think”—you are communicating that you aren’t willing to hear about the affair that he had ten years ago. Your comment suggests that you don’t really understand him—and he’s right.       

Try to avoid speaking too quickly and offering unhelpful feedback.

Validate the experience and invite the person to explore. “It sounds like you’ve been thinking a lot about your marriage. Would you like to talk more about that?”

Help the person make room for mystery. In most cases, we don’t know why we are suffering unless our actions led directly to our illness or injury. Gently suggest that the person let go of the need to know and avoid jumping to conclusions. “Could it be that there are reasons for this that you may not ever fully understand?”

Offer grace. If someone’s suffering is a natural consequence of their own behavior (e.g., a drug overdose), they usually don’t need help understanding why they are suffering, instead they need to be pointed to God’s grace. “God is merciful and forgiving. If you ask, he will forgive you and cleanse you of guilt. Would you like me to pray with you?”

The suffering that comes from being hospitalized will reveal people’s theology of suffering. Most will experience some fear, and wonder about where God is in the matter. Simple questions and reflections based on their concerns may help them to see God more clearly in this struggle. They need to know that God is for them, that he is a loving father in the wilderness, not a vindictive Pharaoh. For example, we might ask the cardiac patient to consider God’s work, “So you’re saying that there is more than one way that your heart needs to be healed? Maybe God is offering to heal both.”

Once a patient has been helped to voice the experience of suffering, you may then have an opportunity to help locate God’s help in the midst of the person’s need.

3. Locate the manna. If given the opportunity, help the people you are speaking to locate manna—evidences of God’s presence and care. Ask how God has already been speaking and supporting them. Identify ways they have been finding motivation and strength. Think, pray, and look for simple ways to direct them to God’s love and grace.

4. Address relational dynamics. Hospitalization often amplifies family dynamics. This can be an opportunity for caregivers to provide wisdom and support at key moments. Here are ways you can do that.

Facilitate fruitful interactions. Look for opportunities to help patients and family speak the truth in love with each other and medical staff. With medical staff this may mean timing your visit to coincide with morning rounds so you can help family to ask questions of doctors, express concerns, and help them to digest what they’re hearing. With family, it may mean encouraging them to be honest with each other about fears, resolve conflict, and alleviate guilt.

Find out who has been left at home. Patients worry about loved ones who are dealing with everyday life without them. Asking people about concerns they have for loved ones allows you to not only listen and care but also helps them identify resources. You may be able to help locate other family or friends that can step in and help while they are in the hospital. You may offer to contact their church or even a social worker at the hospital for help.

Address loneliness. Hospital rooms can be boring and lonely places. Is a patient hoping or expecting someone to come to visit who hasn’t? The person may be afraid to ask for a visit for fear of being a bother. As patients talk about who they wish to see, you can suggest that they contact them or offer to contact them yourself.

Offering Christ’s Presence

There are many ways to be present and offer hope. Help patients to put their experience into words. Speak to their understanding of suffering. Point them to comfort and hope. Tend to their relationships. These four general themes are foundational. But above all, remember that your genuine interest and care proclaims the presence of Christ.

This condensed article originally appeared in the CCEF NOW 16 Magazine. Free Magazine Download

Purchase your copy of the Journal of Biblical Counseling 29:3 to read the expanded article. 

 


1.상담챠트
2.신체문제
3.정신구조
4.마음이해
5.변화과정

상담시리즈 현장실시간 학차신청 세미나

필독서1
필독서2


계절풍 쪽지보내기 메일보내기 자기소개 아이디로 검색 전체게시물 2022-02-16 (수) 00:18 2년전
*파파고 번역

야생의 동반자가 되기
작성자: 윈스턴 스미스
주제: 경청, 요양, 병원
게시됨: 2016년 2월 25일
2 32

지난 여름 나는 지역 병원에서 임상목회교육(CPE) 프로그램에서 목사로 봉사했다. 상담가로 변신한 채플린으로서, 저는 다음과 같은 질문들을 회피하며 수많은 새로운 도전들을 직면했습니다. 어떻게 니즈를 평가하고 간단한 일회성 대화를 위한 목표를 설정합니까? 당신을 알지 못하거나 심지어 당신이 그들을 보러 온다는 것을 알고 있는 사람들과 어떻게 가장 마음 깊은 문제를 다루는 의미 있는 대화를 배양합니까? 여기 제가 관찰하고 배운 것들이 있습니다.

병원 경험

당연하게도, 병원 환자들은 많은 정신적, 정서적 도전에 직면한다. 환자와 방문객 모두 이질적이고 방향감각을 잃은 지형에 있다. 아이들이 어떻게 하교할 것인가에 대한 즉각적인 걱정부터 더 심각한 질문까지 불안감이 팽배하다.얼마나 있어야 하죠? 이것이 제 결혼이나 직업에 어떤 영향을 미칠까요? 아니면 심지어. 내가 죽는 거야?

불안은 종종 고통, 고립, 외로움, 좌절, 분노, 상실, 슬픔으로 인해 복잡해진다. 그리고 물론, 이것은 종종 고통의 이유, 하느님의 사랑의 본질, 그리고 우리의 삶이 무엇에 관한 것인지에 대한 더 큰 의문을 제기한다.신이 어떻게 이런 일이 일어나게 내버려 둘 수 있죠? 왜 이런 일이 나한테 일어나는 거지?

이러한 상황에서 목회적 돌봄은 환자들이 의미와 목적에 대한 더 큰 실존적 질문뿐만 아니라 순간의 정서적 혼란을 탐색할 수 있도록 도와야 한다. 황무지에 대한 성경적 비유를 활용하여, 여기 간병인들이 두 가지를 모두 할 수 있도록 도울 수 있는 틀이 있다.

야생에서의 삶

생존과 목적, 의미에 대한 도전으로 가득 찬 이간지대에서 보낸 시간은 이스라엘이 광야를 누비는 여정을 떠올리게 해야 한다. 병원 환자와 마찬가지로 이스라엘도 지진 변화와 미지의 세계로 떠나는 여정으로 일상이 극적으로 중단됐다.

하나님께서 이스라엘이 애굽에서 구원받기 위해 출애굽을 주관하신 것은 물론입니다. 그럼에도 불구하고, 그것은 그들 자신뿐만 아니라 많은 사람들이 신의 정체성에 의문을 갖게 하는 시련이었습니다. 그곳은 인간의 노력으로는 스스로를 보존할 수 없는 곳이었다.

이것은 신이 누구인지 알게 되고, 그들이 누구인지 알게 되는 데 필요한 목적을 제공했습니다. 그들은 스스로를 노예가 아닌, 그들이 필요한 것을 정확히 주는 사랑하는 아버지에게 의지할 필요가 있는 아이들로 볼 필요가 있었다.

황야를 비유하여 병원 환경에서 동반자가 되는 구체적인 방법을 알아보자.

황야의 동반자

다음은 도울 수 있는 네 가지 방법입니다. 당신은 방문 중에 1번 지점의 아이디어를 사용할 수 있을 뿐이지만, 다른 상황에서는 더 깊이 관여할 수 있을 것이다. 광야에서 목동 노릇을 하는 것은 여러 가지 형태를 띨 것이다. 당신은 당면한 필요에 즉각적으로 반응할 것이다.

1. 감정 공유를 유도합니다. 황야에서 환자와 사랑하는 사람들과 함께할 수 있는 중요한 방법은 감정적인 언어를 사용하여 그들의 마음을 나누도록 그들을 초대하는 것이다. 병원 방문자들은 환자들이 얼마나 자주 부정적인 감정을 무시하거나 억압하는지 깨닫지 못하는 경우가 많다. 환자들은 감정을 표현하는 것이 그들을 증폭시키거나 사랑하는 사람들에게 부담을 줄까 봐 냉정하거나 심지어 명랑한 마스크를 쓸 수도 있다.

문제를 더 복잡하게 만드는 것은, 그들은 그들의 고통의 중심에 믿음의 부족이 있다고 믿을지도 모른다. 예를 들어, "나는 하느님 대신 나 자신에게 너무 집중해서 화가 난다. 영적 실패의식이 그들의 고통에 수치심을 더한다. 하지만, 그들의 고통을 혼자 간직하는 것은 그들을 고립시키고, 그들이 그들의 어려움을 공유한다면 받을지도 모르는 보살핌과 지원을 받지 못하게 한다.

고통스러운 환자들이 더 깊이 공유하도록 자극하기에 종종 몇 가지 간단한 질문들이 충분했다. 예를 들어, 소개 후에 저는 가끔 이렇게 말하곤 했습니다. "저는 병원에 있는 것이 매우 스트레스를 줄 수 있다는 것을 압니다. 감정적으로 잘 지내시나요?

환자가 공유하기 시작하면 자신의 말을 사용해 강조하고 긍정한다. 다음은 고객이 공유하는 내용에 대한 진정한 이해와 관심을 표현하는 방법의 예입니다.

"네가 왜 두려워하는지 이해할 수 있어."

"당신이 얼마나 아이들을 그리워하는지 알 것 같아요."

"의사들에게 실망한 것처럼 들리네요."

단순하고 간략한 답변은 종종 여러분이 듣고, 이해하고, 그들이 계속 공유하도록 신호를 보내고 있다는 것을 보여주기에 충분합니다. 이 시점에서 여러분의 진정한 관심과 염려가 중요한 요소입니다.

만약 이 나눔 이상을 할 시간이 없거나, 환자가 더 이상 아무 말도 하지 않는 것 같은 상태에 있다면, 독자 분의 방문은 여기서 끝날 수도 있고, 혹은 그녀가 원한다면 기도로 끝날 수도 있습니다. 많은 도우미들은 좀 더 노골적으로 영적인 대화를 나누지 않고 대화를 끝내는 것을 어려워한다. 하지만, 우리는 강요되거나 강요되거나 천박한 복음 진리의 적용이 고통 받는 사람의 위안을 제공하기 보다는 오히려 그것을 강탈함으로써 득보다 실이 많을 수 있다는 것을 기억해야 한다.
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