Westminst Theological Seminary / CCEF
성경적 상담연구원
COUNSELING THOSE WHO SUFFER
Introduction
I. Why talk about suffering?
A. Counseling begins with suffering.
B. Grief and suffering are a regular part of human existence. Suffering is everywhere.
C. We are still surprised by suffering.
D. The Christian approach to suffering is unclear.
1. On one hand there is the doctrine of stoic acceptance
2. On the other hand there is the doctrine that pain and suffering are the critical problems of life
II. Where does suffering come from?
A. Suffering can have five different causes.
B. These categories have important counseling implications
1. For any particular time of grief, there is more than one cause.
2. The cause cannot always be known.
3. Scripture warns us to be very careful in making a definitive connection between suffering and personal sin.
4. When there is a prominent cause it sets a logical priority for counseling.
III. Compassion is the rule, regardless of the cause of the suffering [LOVE]
A. General biblical guidelines
1. Mourn with those who mourn (Ro. 12:15).
2. Pray for those who are suffering (2 Co. 1:9-11).
3. Encourage the sufferer with your presence and encouraging words.
B. Compassion might be more active when there has been criminal victimization.
C. Where have some comforters gone wrong?
1. Saying, “Forgive and forget.”
2. Saying, “I understand.”
3.
D. In cases of sexual victimization, are the memories real?
• Was the alleged abuse in early childhood with ten years or more amnesia?
• Is there denial by the entire family?
• Are there no obvious sin patterns in the family?
• Were the abuse situations especially bizarre? E.g., pregnancy before menarche, sex with animals ...
• Is there a previous history of counseling where sexual abuse was assumed before any memories emerged?
Does it matter?
God Speaks to the Sufferer
I. God says, “put your suffering into speech.” [KNOW]
A. God names the silences. E.g., Ps. 22:6, Ps. 55:4-7, Ps. 69:2-4
B. What are the silences?
• Shame
• Fear
II. God reveals who is responsible. [SPEAK]
A. We are not responsible for being sinned against. Cf. Jer.23, Ez. 34.
B. We are responsible for our own sins – but find them in the present.
C. Satan is the ultimate enemy of those who have been sinned against.
III. God reveals himself. He says, “I am the merciful, loving and compassionate one.”
A. Jesus chose the incarnation. “But he made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant” (Phil. 2:7)
B. Jesus chose to absorb suffering
C. Jesus “humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross.”
1. This raises the status of suffering
2. This mean that his suffering was deeper than our own.
• Is. 53:10 - “Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him, and cause him to suffer.”
• Mark 8:31 - “He [Jesus] began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again.
• He. 2:10 - “In bringing many sons to glory it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering.”
• Rev. 5 - the lamb that was slain
3. If our King went through suffering, we should expect similar trials.
C. Now the Spirit of Christ knows/sees/pursues the sufferer. He comes close and says that he with us – and doing something.
1. He gives comfort.
2. He covers our shame
a. We can be defiled, made unclean, or naked as a result of being sinned against. E.g., Dinah (Gen. 34, the temple (Ps. 79, Ez. 5:11), parents of unruly children (Pr. 19:26, 29:15).
b. This uncleanness cries out for either death or a covering (Lk. 23:28-30)
c. Jesus provides the covering.
3. He remembers what was done to us. Ps. 56:8, Hab. 1 & 2, Is. 16:4, Pr. 3:32, Ecc. 8:12
4. He never leaves. Like Ruth, the good shepherd, and the faithful highpriest, he says, “I will never (never) leave you, and I will never (never, never) forsake you.” (He. 13:5)
D. The Suffering Servant says, “Trust me.”
IV. God continues to reveal himself. He says, “I am God, and there is none like me.”
God from all eternity did, by the most wise and holy counsel of his own will, freely and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to past: yet so, thereby neither is God the author of sin, nor is violence offered the will of the creatures, nor is liberty or contingency of second cause taken away, but rather established.
Westminster Confession of Faith
Chapter 3, “Of Eternal Decrees”
A. Scriptures that present the greatness of God
Ge. 50:20, Ruth 1:21, Job, 1 Sam. 2, Ps. 66:10-12, Is. 13 – 37, Ez. 1, Habakuk
B. The conclusion: trust the Lord, the world is not chaos.
V. God’s grace has an agenda. God says, “I have a purpose in the suffering.” Or, “I am in the suffering, I am up to something in the suffering, and I am up to something good in the suffering”
A. What is the purpose? Suffering exposes our hearts and gives us hope for change. (The change is that we grow in trust and obedience.)
If there were only evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago
Remember, change does not mean that we are more happy and problem-free, it means that we are growing to be more like Jesus. Ps. 119: 67,71; Ro. 8:28,29; He. 12:10,11;
B. Suffering exposes the world, and gives us hope for eternity. He. 10-12, Ro. 5:3,4, Cor. 4:17, Rev. 21:4,5. Therefore, hope becomes deeper (or weightier) than our suffering.
C. Suffering exposes Satan, and leads us into being violent people (Mt. 11:12)
VI. God says, “This is who you are.”
1. Christians, Children of the living God, Responders to his grace
2.
3.
4.
VII. God says, “Respond to me by loving and forgiving others.” [DO]
A. Remember God’s patience and love with you.
B. Respond by loving your enemies
1. Forgive in your heart
2. Forgive face-to-face
VIII. God says, “Comfort others with the comfort you have received” (2 Cor 1:3,4). Teach others about joy - the “serious business of heaven” (C.S.Lewis).
The Narrow Road
which includes trials, trouble, and suffering
(Matthew 7:14)
Jesus
Perfect fellowship with God and others
Glorified (Rom. 8:30)
No sin, No tears, No shame
Jesus comes for his people
Righteousness, peace (Heb.12:11)
Share in his holiness (Heb.12:10)
Mature and complete,
not lacking anything (Jam. 1:4)
Hope, Joy
despising discipline “I can see the goal, I will not fainting under discipline grow weary.” (2 Cor. 4:17)
Satan’s strategies “I am strengthened in battle.” Satan’s strategies
“I challenge God” (Eph. 6:10) “I doubt God”
“God is cruel.” “I can trust my God.” “God isn’t there.”
“I will take care of me.” “I will keep on loving others “I don’t belong.”
as a brother or sister.” (Heb. 13:1)
“Sin is irrelevant.” “I will repent as sin is revealed, “My sin caused this.”
and I will cast off the sin that
ensnares me.”
“There is no purpose!” “I will learn of Christ and I “There is no purpose.”
will learn obedience.” (Ps.119:71)
“I am a survivor.” “I am a Christian” “I am a sufferer.”
For Further Reading on Suffering
Adams, Jay E. Christ and Your Problems. Presbyterian and Reformed, 1971. A fine pamphlet based on 1 Corinthians 10:13. Intended to give hope.
Adams, Jay. E. How to Handle Trouble. Presbyterian and Reformed, 1982. A short book that applies Romans 8:28.
Adams, Jay. E. How to Overcome Evil. Presbyterian and Reformed, 1977. A study of Romans 12:14-21. A good study for those who have been victimized.
Allender, Dan. The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse. NavPress, 1990. This is the best description of sexual victimizxation, but it can be overwhelming for those who read it.
Bridges, Jerry. Trusting God. NavPress, 1990. A good book for people who still have questions such as “Why me?”
Bruce, James W., III. From Grief to Glory: Spiritual Journys of Mourning Parents. Crossway, 2002. An excellent book that reveals how Luther, Calvin, Bach, Spurgeon and others responded to the loss of a child.
Carson, D. A., How Long, O Lord. Baker, IVPress, 1990. Carson is a clear theological thinker who takes on the problems of suffering, evil and providence.
Dobson, James. When God Doesn’t Make Sense. Tyndale, 1993. Interesting anecdotes and solid biblical principles.
Eareckson-Tada, Joni. One Step Further. An excellent theology of suffering from someone who has been there.
Eareckson-Tada, Joni. Secret Strength. Multnomah, 1988. Devotional studies for those who are suffering.
Eareckson-Tada, Joni & Steve Estes. When God Weeps. Zondervan, 1997. Filled with Scripture and stories, if you were going to read one book on suffering, this would be it.
Elliot, Elizabeth. Suffering is not for Nothing. Ligoneer Ministries (video and audio). A discussion of the inevitability of suffering and how to handle it biblically.
Ferguson, Sinclair. Deserted by God. Baker, 1993. A practical examination of nine lament psalms.
Johnson, Barbara-Lee. Count it all Joy. Baker, 1976. A study of James 1:1-8.
Kreeft, Peter. Making Sense out of Suffering. Ann Arbor: Servant, 1986. Influenced by George MacDonald and C.S.Lewis, Kreeft takes on all comers and talks about suffering and evil. Atheists, Christians, those who are suffering, anyone. The book is personal but apologetic in tone.
Lewis, C.S. The Problem of Pain. Macmillan, 1962. As Lewis indicates in the introduction, he is writing as someone who has not known much suffering. As such, he suggests that his questions are a bit more academic, for the searcher, for the skeptic. But he is an apologete without peer and is worthwhile reading.
McCartney, Dan. Why Does It Have to Hurt? The Meaning of Christian Suffering. P&R, 1998. An excellent exegetical and theological review of the basic questions that are raised during suffering.
Oliphant, Scott and Sinclair Ferguson. If I Should Die Before I Wake. Baker, 1995. An excellent book that describes how suffering is an instrument that God uses to create glory.
Packer, J.I. A Grief Sanctified: Through Sorrow to Eternal Hope. Crossway, 2002. An examination of how Richard Baxter response to his wife’s death, much of it in Baxter’s words.
Patterson, Ben. Waiting: Finding Hope When God Seems Silent. InterVarsity, 1989. Through the stories of Abraham and Job, the biblical theme of waiting is artfully developed.
Spencer, Aida & William. Joy Through the Night. InterVarsity, 1994. A very fine biblical study on suffering with a number of personal stories.
Van Auken, Sheldon. A Severe Mercy. Harper and Row, 1977. A C.S.Lewis inspired account by a man who looses his wife.
Willimon, William. H. Sighing for Eden: Sin, Evil and the Christian Faith. Nashville: Abingdon, 1985. A more academic study about suffering directed especially to people who want to know why.
Yancey, Phillip. Reaching for the Invisible God. Zondervan, 2000. Good stories and provocative insights from an author who has wrestled with doubts.
Yancey, Phillip. Where is God when it Hurts? Zondervan, 1977. Full of case studies. Readable and worthwhile.
GUILT
Especially the resistant guilt associated with legalism
I. Where is guilt?
Guilt is rarely a presenting problem, but it can be found in most every problem we will discuss: perfectionism, depression, a sense of personal failure, anxiety, fear, anger, bulimia, anorexia, joylessness.
II. Varieties of guilt
Guilt because you love sin more than Jesus, and you will turn to it soon
Guilt from lack of confession of known sins
Guilt from not understanding the gospel (unbelief?)
Guilt from the lingering consequences of previous sin
Guilt from the consequences of personal decisions
Guilt/shame from having been sinfully violated
Guilt from a weak conscience (Rom. 14, 1 Cor. 8)
Guilt from legalism
III. Legalism: A Type of Resistant Guilt
A. Two types of legalism
1. Asking Scripture to speak more specifically than it intends
2. Believing that, or behaving as if, through the law, we can earn something from God. Legalism means that we believe we must do or can do something to receive God’s grace. The legalist believes that life is lived according to law rather than grace (Gal.4:21).
The basic formula for legalism is this:
righteousness before God = faith in the finished work of Christ + ________
B. The many faces of legalism. Legalism can be found at the root of many popular problems: perfectionism, depression, a sense of personal failure, anxiety, fear, anger, bulimia, and anorexia.
• Successful legalists: “I’ve made it” or “I’ve made it, and they didn’t”
• Striving legalists: “I’m trying to make it” or “I need them to think I made it”
• Deal making legalists: “I’ll ______ if you ______.”
• Unsuccessful legalists: “I can’t make it”
• Demanding, angry, jealous legalists: “I deserve”
• Accusing legalists: “You deserve”
• Nice legalists: “If you like me, I’m OK.”
C. It can be exposed by the following checklist
You are more aware of your past sins than of the cross.
You live believing that God is disappointed with you rather than delighting over you.
You have a sense that God’s forgiveness or acceptance is dependent on your obedience.
You lack joy.
You are willing to live with low-grade guilt (or paralyzing condemnation) because you assume that it is religious.
D. The lights go on
Two pastoral approaches
1. Slavery – this is so sad.
2. Rebellion – this is so wrong.
Gal 3:1,2 - “You foolish Galations, before your eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law or by believing what you have heard.”
IV. God’s answer to the legalist
A. Repent
B. Trust/believe/grow in faith
Faith glorifies God by giving all glory to Him.
Faith is saying, “I need Jesus.”
Faith is a windshield that you look through to see Christ.
Faith is God’s means of connecting us to his promises.
Faith is rest, though restless rest.
C. Feed faith with the knowledge of God
D. Bear fruit – follow, obey
ANGER
Why talk about anger?
Themes to keep in mind
• Anger is saying something. It speaks of what we want, what we love. Emotions are a language of the whole person, the physical/spiritual person.
• Anger is spiritual. It reveals our relationship with God. The horizontal reveals vertical.
• Anger blinds. Anger illustrates the noetic effects of sin.
Background
I. Finding anger
A. Righteous anger
B. Overt anger
C. Covert anger
II. The allegiances of anger Ex.16, Num.14, Matt 10:40, Matt. 25:31 ff., Jam. 4
A. The anger of God.
1. God is angry/loving. His anger shows what he loves.
2. God’s anger is not comparable with almost anything you have known.
a. It is slow, measured, considered. Ex. 32-34, Ps.86:15, Neh.9:30, Rom.2:4
b. It is trumped by love. Wrath is poured out on Jesus.
3. The example of Jesus Lk.6:27-31, 1 Pet.2:23ff., Lk.9:55, Lk.4:35
4. How should we respond?
5. Does God get angry with us?
B. The anger of Satan: anger against God and against God’s people
1. Satan is a murderer and a liar
2. He is filled with fury because he could not beat Jesus
3. His anger is intended to crush, not cleanse
4. His anger is intended to divide, not unite
5. How should we respond?
Helping Angry People Change
I. Questions for those who help
A. How do you naturally respond to angry people?
B. What is your anger history?
C. How do you disarm angry people?
D. How do you prioritize anger?
II. “Do you know you are angry?”
III. “Have you experienced someone else’s anger or judgment?”
IV. “Do you know what your anger does to others?
V. “Why are you angry?” What is anger saying? What does it mean?
A. “I am right, you are wrong.” Anger is a moral judgment.
Was there a real wrong?
Was it a perceived wrong that was more about the idolatrous desires of the angry person?
B. “I am right, you are wrong and I am authorized [by myself] to punish you.”
C. “I am afraid,” “I have been hurt,” “I feel alone and powerless”
D. “I am guilty”
E.
VI. Listen to the whole truth about anger? Anger always feels right, but it lies.
A. You are deaf and blind. (1 John 2:11)
B. You don’t see yourself
C. You don’t see other people
D. You don’t see the real enemy
E. You don’t see God.
VII. Know the Triune God
A. The enthroned King
B. The righteous Judge
C. The generous, loving, patient Father
D. The divine Servant.
VIII. Respond
A. Do you believe that this is important?
B. Imitate Jesus Christ
C. Who are you?
D. Who are others?
FEAR
Where is it?
What is it? What does it say?
I. Basic idea
Fear = “I am in danger.” There is a threat to something I love.
Anxiety = “I think there will be danger.” I anticipate a threat.
II. Is fear or anxiety sin? Cf. Ps.56:3, 2 Cor.7:5, 1 Peter 5:7
III. Common threats
A. Enemies: real and perceived
B. Death: the unknown, judgment, pain, eternity
C. Trusting in “nothing”: Idols of people and money
D. The past being repeated
E. Abandonment, being alone
How do you help?
I. Know the person.
II. “Be still”: Fear is loud and restless, it can overwhelm faith.
III. “Listen”: Be surprised by how God speaks to those in fear (Lk.12:22-34; Mt.6:25-34)
A. He addresses us as his little flock (Lk. 12:32)
B. He reasons with us.
1. “I know the details of the rest of creation” (Lk 12:4-7, Lk 12:22-34, Matt. 6:25-34), “even unimportant details like hairs on your head.” (Lk. 12:7).
2. “You are much more valuable to me” (Mt. 6:26, 10:31)
3. “I know the unimportant details of your life.”
4. “Does obsessive anticipation really do anything? Does it really help? Has it given you any extra hours in your day?”
5. “Your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom”
C. He assures us – again and again – of his presence (Gen. 26:24, Dt 31:6, Is. 41:10, Phil 4:5,6)
D. He assures us with an oath. Covenants were used when one party had doubts.
E. He reminds us of who we are to fear. 2 Kings 6, Jer.10:5-7
IV. “Remember” (Ps. 57:4,5; 59:9; 77:10,11)
V. “Trust” (Ex 16; Phil 1:6, 4:19; 2 Cor 1:20, 2 Cor 12, Rom 8:32)
VI. “Walk” (Mic. 6:8)
V. “Pray” (Phil 4:6-8)
Psalm 46, Psalm 121
Depression: The Stubborn Darkness
I. Introduction -
A. How it feels
Robert Burton (1621) The Anatomy of Melancholy, “They are in great pain and horror of mind, distraction of soul, restlessness, full of continual fears, cares, torment, anxieties, they can neither drink, eat, nor sleep...
Charles Spurgeon, at age 24, “My spirits were sunken so low that I could weep by the hour like a child, and yet I knew not what I wept for.” It came again and again, “Causeless depression cannot be reasoned with, nor can David’s harp charm it away by sweet discoursings. As well fight with the mist as with this shapeless, indefinable, yet all-beclouding hopelessness... The iron bolt which so mysteriously fastens the door of hope and holds our spirits in gloomy prison, needs a heavenly hand to push it back...” Lectures to My Students (Zondervan, 1972), p. 24.
B. How it is defined
depressed mood
diminished pleasure, apathy - feel nothing, and you remember when you did.
weight loss or weight gain
insomnia or hypersomnia
physical restlessness or lethargy
diminished ability to think or concentrate
suicidal ideation
II. Depression as Suffering
Basic Idea: Depression is a form of suffering that can’t be reduced to one universal cause. This means that family and friends can’t rush in armed with THE answer. Instead, they must be willing to postpone swearing allegiance to a particular theory, know the depressed person and work together with him or her. What we do know is that depression is painful and, if you have never experienced it, hard to understand. Like most forms of suffering, it feels private and isolating.
We also know that those who feel overwhelmed by depression share in fundamental humanness. In other words, at root you will find the struggles and maladies that are common to us all. Don’t let the technical, scientific diagnosis keep you from seeing these ordinary problems. Instead, when in doubt, expect to find ordinary humanness lurking just below the surface in the form of fear, anger, guilt, shame, jealousy, wants, despair over loss, physical weaknesses and other problems that are resident in every human person.
A. Suffering
B. The Surprising God
C. Crying out
D. Warfare
E. Remembering
F. Purpose
G. Perseverance
III. Listening to Depression
A. Depression has its reasons: Other people, Adam, Satan, culture
Outside events
Things outside our control
Things that come at us
Internal beliefs
Interpretations of events
Things we can change
Things that come out of us
The Development of Depression
B. The heart of depression
C. Fear
D. Anger
E. Dashed hopes
F. Failure/pride
G. Guilt/legalism/pride
H. Death, suicidal thinking
IV. Other Helps and Treatments
A. Medical treatments
B. Families and friends
V. Hope and Joy
20. Humility and hope
21. Thankfulness and joy
BEHAVIOR IS BIZARRE
Especially Schizophrenia and Mania
Introduction
I. Goals: theological, apologetic, personal
II. Points to emphasize: our alikeness, our epistemology, the body
III. Some people
Thoughts on Modern Psychiatry
I. All psychiatric terms reveal and obscure
II. All psychiatric terms have fuzzy boundaries
III. Most psychiatric descriptions blend two categories into one: they blend idolatries of the heart and weaknesses of the body.
I. Schizophrenia: thoughts run amok. A Beautiful Mind by Sylvia Nasar.
A. Delusions
B. Hallucinations
C. An apparent separation between thinking, feeling and doing
D. Loose mental associations
E. Possible perceptual changes
F. Poor sense of self and others (personal boundaries)
G. Problems synthesizing and responding
II. Mania: emotions run amok. An Unquiet Mind by Kay Jamison.
A. Increased self-esteem
B. Decreased need for sleep
C. More talkative with flight of ideas
D. Distractible
E. A tendency to pursue activities that will have painful consequences
Think Biblically about Insanity
I. This is suffering.
II. What is causing the trouble? Two choices: the body, the heart.
III. What is real insanity?
A. The “unreasonableness” of sin. Mt 7:26, John 15:25
B. Insanity as a metaphor for sin. Ecc 7:25, 9:3, Pro 17:10
C. The fool
IV. Examples of madness in Scripture
A. Feigned madness I Sa 21:10ff, Pr 22:13, 26:13
B. Madness as a consequence of personal sin. Dt 28 - shiggaon, iwwaron, timmahon
C. Madness as a consequence of living under the curse or Adamic sin
D. Madness and Satan
V. Just listen
Help
I. The crisis
A. Counselor prerequisites
• Emotional hyper-reactivity is deadly
• No monologues
• Be honest, open
• Distinguish between sinful and eccentric
• Listen fo the dominant metaphors and images
B. Three questions that will help in making a decision for medication or hospitalization
1. Does the person have a sense of the problem?
2. Is the person submissive to Scripture and the counsel of others?
3. Are there people available who can help?
C. Simplify expectations
D. Talk with the family
E. Know the history
II. Helping with schizophrenia
A. Can you counsel them during the acute phase? Probably not. But you can offer may brief, conscience-directed appeals.
B. When there is more clarity counsel them as you would anyone else. But be alert to the peculiarities of their inner world. Give them the deeper story – the real reality
III. Helping with mania
A. At the height of the mania, love, protect, appeal, shackle, but don’t overreact
B. When they cool off, review what happened. How was the heart revealed? What must they learn? Where must they repent? They must become very wise people.
IV. Helping the family
Consider Physical Treatments for the Physical Symptoms
I. Medication
II. Underlying medical disease
ADDICTIONS
Filling Ourselves Yet Never Satisfied
What are addictions?
Being out of control, especially before mind-altering drugs
Trying to fill ourselves yet never being satisfied.
Being ruled by a substance, person or activity
Our assumption - Scripture explains the cause and offers the cure
The popular assumption - the cause is physical, not spiritual
Thinking Biblically about Drunkenness, the prototype for all addictions
I. Drunkenness is sin.
A. Biblical descriptions - Pro 23:29-35.
B. Drunkenness is condemned in the Old Testament, the New Testament, and all other Ancient Near Eastern cultures.
Pr 23:20; Ro 13:13; I Cor 5:11; I Co 6:9,10; Ga 5:19-21
C. Why is it sinful? It is against God and against other people.
Therefore, addiction is a type of sin, not a category different than sin.
Therefore, addicts are, at root, like non-addicts.
II. POINT/COUNTERPOINT What about alcoholism?
“Alcoholism is a chronic, primary, hereditary disease which progresses from an early, physiological susceptibility into an addiction characterized by tolerance changes, physiological dependence, and loss of control over drinking. Psychological symptoms are secondary to the physiological disease.”
Two arguments
A. Genetics
B. Cravings
1. Craving for a drink after taking the first drink
2. Craving even when you aren’t near alcohol.
3. Craving when you are physically dependent.
Therefore, don’t overestimate or underestimate the physical pull toward addiction
III. Points of contact
A. The body can be troublesome, but addictions come from me.
When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. (James 1:13-15)
B. Addicts feel as if they have lost control – they feel like something has them. And you don’t really know what that is like.
C. Addiction is saying something. It is many layered. It is about our relationship with God. It is political – but don’t allow that from hindering your search for related purposes.
D. We know a lot about recidivism. We know a lot about a dog returning to his vomit. We are recidivist. We are addicts.
E. Four alternative metaphors
1. The idolater
2. The adulterer
3. The fool
4. The victim
Detection and Confrontation
I. Detection
II. Confrontation or “Intervention”
III. Hospital or Home? Follow-up options.
How to Help The challenge: you want to partner. You want to work with the addict, but the addict might be insane.
Walls and Wisdom that are Rooted in the Fear of the Lord
Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. (Prov.25:28)
Above all else guard your heart for it is the well spring of life. (Prov.4:23)
I. Initial wall-building. How much control should you take? How much accountability?
II. The past and the purposes
III. “Do you want to change?”
“Why?”
“Do you have a plan?”
IV. Lies: if you tell lies, you believe lies.
V. The fear of the Lord. Or, better, the Lord who is to be feared.
The fear of the Lord is the awareness that the Sovereign and Gracious Creator-King observes every part of my life, and I delight in knowing him and doing what he says.
The fear of the Lord is my response to the forgiving mercy of the Father.
The Lord who is “Fear” is the beginning of wisdom.
The fear of the Lord is walking on holy ground with my shoes off.
The Lord who is to be feared can be our delight – above all other things
VI. “What is your plan?” “Does it include violence?” Temptation demands strategic planning, aggressive action, wholeheartedness. Proverbs 23:1,2; Matthew 5:29, 11:12, 1 Cor.9:24-27, and remember 1 Corinthians 10:13
The prerequisite? Every plan must pass through the cross for approval.
SIN OBEDIENCE
TRUST
A. Violence with sin at the imagination level.
B. Violence by reconciling with (and offering restitution to) those you harmed.
C. Violence by reconciling with those who harmed you.
D. Violence by reconciling with the church.
E. Violence by following the second Adam in saying no because life is found in the very words of God – they are found in Christ, who didn’t create bread to eat for himself, but became bread for the world. Therefore, self-control – a new definition of freedom (we are not like a muzzled dog), and new definition of humanness – controlled/mastered by nothing other than God.
Ideas: Fasts, Lord’s prayer
Be in the marathon, not the sprint. Jesus came and was anointed KING in the middle of time, rather than the end; and in the middle of time, when sin has been defeated but not eradicated. Therefore, we look forward to the end and fight with hope.
Parenting
A Model for Biblical Counseling
Know the child
I. What are our theories?
II. Children are influenced: The heat
The circumstances of life can be
Fundamental - - Pastorally significant - - A lesser priority - - A distraction - - An excuse
We are less skilled at knowing the heat, knowing when the heat is significant, and helping when “weaknesses” begins to overlap more with the heart.
III. Children live before God: The heart
A. They know God and are either Creator-worshippers or creature worshippers.
B. They know God’s law and have a conscience
C. They hear the call of the world, flesh and devil
D. They are foolish more than wise
Remember your pastoral strategy
I. Don’t settle for behavior change
II. Aim for the heart
A. The before-Godness of our lives
B. But remember that it is not all repentance, we also encourage, teach, . . .
C. Some qualification and clarifications
Use your pastoral resources
I. The Spirit and the Word
A. The gospel (note Ridderbos, Paul: An Outline of His Theology, especially his section on the indicative and imperative)
B. The law
1. What is it?
2. Its reputation
3. What it can’t do: It can’t justify. It can’t empower.
4. What it can do
a. It teaches us how to love God.
b. It can bless. E.g., Ex. 20:12 (cf. Dt. 5:16, Eph. 6:1-3), Ps. 19, 112, 119,
James 1:25.
c. It can teach us about the character of God.
d. It teaches us about our own unrighteousness and leads us to Christ.
e. It can entice sin.
5. Using the law
a. Law as disciplinarian
b. Law as pleading, wooing father
c. Law as lifeguard
II. The Spirit and prayer
III. The Spirit and you 1 Tim.4:12, 1 Cor.11:1
Package it wisely
I. With more difficult children what are the priorities? What are (1) non-negotiable, (2) issues where there can be compromise, creative solutions and flexibility, and (3) issues that are unimportant?
II. What are the child’s strengths and limitations (spiritual, physical, historical)
III. What are the parent’s strengths and limitations? When coming alongside parents, work with them. Who are they? What are their limitations (spiritual, talents/giftings, time)? Parents are sometimes the worst counselors for other parents.
IV. Different priorities for different ages
A. Birth to age 6. Basic instruction: Learn about God, learn to obey parents, manners.
B. Ages 6 to 12. Basic instruction: Learn about God, learn godly character, and [for parents] begin to understand strengths (gifts) and weaknesses. Are you still spanking?
C. Age 13 to leaving home. Basic instruction: Know that God is your God. Openness and honesty.
