COUNSELING THOSE WHO SUFFER
Introduction
I. Why talk about suffering?
A. Counseling begins with suffering.
B. Grief and suffering are a regular part of human existence. Suffering is everywhere.
C. We are still surprised by suffering.
D. The Christian approach to suffering is unclear.
1. On one hand there is the doctrine of stoic acceptance
2. On the other hand there is the doctrine that pain and suffering are the critical problems of life
II. Where does suffering come from?
A. Suffering can have five different causes.
B. These categories have important counseling implications
1. For any particular time of grief, there is more than one cause.
2. The cause cannot always be known.
3. Scripture warns us to be very careful in making a definitive connection between suffering and personal sin.
4. When there is a prominent cause it sets a logical priority for counseling.
III. Compassion is the rule, regardless of the cause of the suffering [LOVE]
A. General biblical guidelines
1. Mourn with those who mourn (Ro. 12:15).
2. Pray for those who are suffering (2 Co. 1:9-11).
3. Encourage the sufferer with your presence and encouraging words.
B. Compassion might be more active when there has been criminal victimization.
C. Where have some comforters gone wrong?
1. Saying, “Forgive and forget.”
2. Saying, “I understand.”
3.
D. In cases of sexual victimization, are the memories real?
• Was the alleged abuse in early childhood with ten years or more amnesia?
• Is there denial by the entire family?
• Are there no obvious sin patterns in the family?
• Were the abuse situations especially bizarre? E.g., pregnancy before menarche, sex with animals ...
• Is there a previous history of counseling where sexual abuse was assumed before any memories emerged?
Does it matter?
God Speaks to the Sufferer
I. God says, “put your suffering into speech.” [KNOW]
A. God names the silences. E.g., Ps. 22:6, Ps. 55:4-7, Ps. 69:2-4
B. What are the silences?
• Shame
• Fear
II. God reveals who is responsible. [SPEAK]
A. We are not responsible for being sinned against. Cf. Jer.23, Ez. 34.
B. We are responsible for our own sins – but find them in the present.
C. Satan is the ultimate enemy of those who have been sinned against.
III. God reveals himself. He says, “I am the merciful, loving and compassionate one.”
A. Jesus chose the incarnation. “But he made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant” (Phil. 2:7)
B. Jesus chose to absorb suffering
C. Jesus “humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross.”
1. This raises the status of suffering
2. This mean that his suffering was deeper than our own.
• Is. 53:10 - “Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him, and cause him to suffer.”
• Mark 8:31 - “He [Jesus] began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again.
• He. 2:10 - “In bringing many sons to glory it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering.”
• Rev. 5 - the lamb that was slain
3. If our King went through suffering, we should expect similar trials.
C. Now the Spirit of Christ knows/sees/pursues the sufferer. He comes close and says that he with us – and doing something.
1. He gives comfort.
2. He covers our shame
a. We can be defiled, made unclean, or naked as a result of being sinned against. E.g., Dinah (Gen. 34, the temple (Ps. 79, Ez. 5:11), parents of unruly children (Pr. 19:26, 29:15).
b. This uncleanness cries out for either death or a covering (Lk. 23:28-30)
c. Jesus provides the covering.
3. He remembers what was done to us. Ps. 56:8, Hab. 1 & 2, Is. 16:4, Pr. 3:32, Ecc. 8:12
4. He never leaves. Like Ruth, the good shepherd, and the faithful highpriest, he says, “I will never (never) leave you, and I will never (never, never) forsake you.” (He. 13:5)
D. The Suffering Servant says, “Trust me.”
IV. God continues to reveal himself. He says, “I am God, and there is none like me.”
God from all eternity did, by the most wise and holy counsel of his own will, freely and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to past: yet so, thereby neither is God the author of sin, nor is violence offered the will of the creatures, nor is liberty or contingency of second cause taken away, but rather established.
Westminster Confession of Faith
Chapter 3, “Of Eternal Decrees”
A. Scriptures that present the greatness of God
Ge. 50:20, Ruth 1:21, Job, 1 Sam. 2, Ps. 66:10-12, Is. 13 – 37, Ez. 1, Habakuk
B. The conclusion: trust the Lord, the world is not chaos.
V. God’s grace has an agenda. God says, “I have a purpose in the suffering.” Or, “I am in the suffering, I am up to something in the suffering, and I am up to something good in the suffering”
A. What is the purpose? Suffering exposes our hearts and gives us hope for change. (The change is that we grow in trust and obedience.)
If there were only evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago
Remember, change does not mean that we are more happy and problem-free, it means that we are growing to be more like Jesus. Ps. 119: 67,71; Ro. 8:28,29; He. 12:10,11;
B. Suffering exposes the world, and gives us hope for eternity. He. 10-12, Ro. 5:3,4, Cor. 4:17, Rev. 21:4,5. Therefore, hope becomes deeper (or weightier) than our suffering.
C. Suffering exposes Satan, and leads us into being violent people (Mt. 11:12)
VI. God says, “This is who you are.”
1. Christians, Children of the living God, Responders to his grace
2.
3.
4.
VII. God says, “Respond to me by loving and forgiving others.” [DO]
A. Remember God’s patience and love with you.
B. Respond by loving your enemies
1. Forgive in your heart
2. Forgive face-to-face
VIII. God says, “Comfort others with the comfort you have received” (2 Cor 1:3,4). Teach others about joy - the “serious business of heaven” (C.S.Lewis).
The Narrow Road
which includes trials, trouble, and suffering
(Matthew 7:14)
Jesus
Perfect fellowship with God and others
Glorified (Rom. 8:30)
No sin, No tears, No shame
Jesus comes for his people
Righteousness, peace (Heb.12:11)
Share in his holiness (Heb.12:10)
Mature and complete,
not lacking anything (Jam. 1:4)
Hope, Joy
despising discipline “I can see the goal, I will not fainting under discipline grow weary.” (2 Cor. 4:17)
Satan’s strategies “I am strengthened in battle.” Satan’s strategies
“I challenge God” (Eph. 6:10) “I doubt God”
“God is cruel.” “I can trust my God.” “God isn’t there.”
“I will take care of me.” “I will keep on loving others “I don’t belong.”
as a brother or sister.” (Heb. 13:1)
“Sin is irrelevant.” “I will repent as sin is revealed, “My sin caused this.”
and I will cast off the sin that
ensnares me.”
“There is no purpose!” “I will learn of Christ and I “There is no purpose.”
will learn obedience.” (Ps.119:71)
“I am a survivor.” “I am a Christian” “I am a sufferer.”
For Further Reading on Suffering
Adams, Jay E. Christ and Your Problems. Presbyterian and Reformed, 1971. A fine pamphlet based on 1 Corinthians 10:13. Intended to give hope.
Adams, Jay. E. How to Handle Trouble. Presbyterian and Reformed, 1982. A short book that applies Romans 8:28.
Adams, Jay. E. How to Overcome Evil. Presbyterian and Reformed, 1977. A study of Romans 12:14-21. A good study for those who have been victimized.
Allender, Dan. The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse. NavPress, 1990. This is the best description of sexual victimizxation, but it can be overwhelming for those who read it.
Bridges, Jerry. Trusting God. NavPress, 1990. A good book for people who still have questions such as “Why me?”
Bruce, James W., III. From Grief to Glory: Spiritual Journys of Mourning Parents. Crossway, 2002. An excellent book that reveals how Luther, Calvin, Bach, Spurgeon and others responded to the loss of a child.
Carson, D. A., How Long, O Lord. Baker, IVPress, 1990. Carson is a clear theological thinker who takes on the problems of suffering, evil and providence.
Dobson, James. When God Doesn’t Make Sense. Tyndale, 1993. Interesting anecdotes and solid biblical principles.
Eareckson-Tada, Joni. One Step Further. An excellent theology of suffering from someone who has been there.
Eareckson-Tada, Joni. Secret Strength. Multnomah, 1988. Devotional studies for those who are suffering.
Eareckson-Tada, Joni & Steve Estes. When God Weeps. Zondervan, 1997. Filled with Scripture and stories, if you were going to read one book on suffering, this would be it.
Elliot, Elizabeth. Suffering is not for Nothing. Ligoneer Ministries (video and audio). A discussion of the inevitability of suffering and how to handle it biblically.
Ferguson, Sinclair. Deserted by God. Baker, 1993. A practical examination of nine lament psalms.
Johnson, Barbara-Lee. Count it all Joy. Baker, 1976. A study of James 1:1-8.
Kreeft, Peter. Making Sense out of Suffering. Ann Arbor: Servant, 1986. Influenced by George MacDonald and C.S.Lewis, Kreeft takes on all comers and talks about suffering and evil. Atheists, Christians, those who are suffering, anyone. The book is personal but apologetic in tone.
Lewis, C.S. The Problem of Pain. Macmillan, 1962. As Lewis indicates in the introduction, he is writing as someone who has not known much suffering. As such, he suggests that his questions are a bit more academic, for the searcher, for the skeptic. But he is an apologete without peer and is worthwhile reading.
McCartney, Dan. Why Does It Have to Hurt? The Meaning of Christian Suffering. P&R, 1998. An excellent exegetical and theological review of the basic questions that are raised during suffering.
Oliphant, Scott and Sinclair Ferguson. If I Should Die Before I Wake. Baker, 1995. An excellent book that describes how suffering is an instrument that God uses to create glory.
Packer, J.I. A Grief Sanctified: Through Sorrow to Eternal Hope. Crossway, 2002. An examination of how Richard Baxter response to his wife’s death, much of it in Baxter’s words.
Patterson, Ben. Waiting: Finding Hope When God Seems Silent. InterVarsity, 1989. Through the stories of Abraham and Job, the biblical theme of waiting is artfully developed.
Spencer, Aida & William. Joy Through the Night. InterVarsity, 1994. A very fine biblical study on suffering with a number of personal stories.
Van Auken, Sheldon. A Severe Mercy. Harper and Row, 1977. A C.S.Lewis inspired account by a man who looses his wife.
Willimon, William. H. Sighing for Eden: Sin, Evil and the Christian Faith. Nashville: Abingdon, 1985. A more academic study about suffering directed especially to people who want to know why.
Yancey, Phillip. Reaching for the Invisible God. Zondervan, 2000. Good stories and provocative insights from an author who has wrestled with doubts.
Yancey, Phillip. Where is God when it Hurts? Zondervan, 1977. Full of case studies. Readable and worthwhile.
